Taking The .... Campaign To Urinate In The Shower (In An Effort To Save Water, Apparently), Goes National

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza committed a major social faux pas by peeing in the showers at the gym? Well, it turns out that he wasn’t simply being lazy and disgusting. No, he was actively taking a stand to save the world’s water. Or something.



The Go With The Flow campaign, spearheaded by University of East Anglia students Debs Torr and Chris Dobson, is actively trying to encourage students to urinate in the shower as a way of saving water, apparently blissfully unaware that most students (the male ones, at least) probably already do.

In fact, male students have actually been ‘saving water’ for generations now. In addition to mastering the dubious art of shower urination, young men have also managed to ‘save water’ by urinating in other places, too.

Yes, that’s right, by spending literally decades peeing in places as diverse as the alley outside the pub, our mates’ mum’s carpet, empty beer bottles, abandoned port-a-loos The Download Festival and especially Swindon, male students in the UK will probably have saved the equivalent of the Atlantic ocean by the end of the year (possibly even the weekend, if the drinks are cheap enough).

You’re welcome, everyone.

Joking aside (not really), 20-year-old Chris Dobson, who has almost certainly destroyed his own chances of ever getting any female students to join him in the shower, reckons that if every student at his own Uni does just one ‘number one’ a day in the shower, they will save enough water to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool 26 times over.

Of course, even that isn’t particularly impressive, because, if that happened, all the water would just overfill the pool and flood the changing rooms and the car park, making the entire town centre stink of chlorine â€" and nobody needs that.

His findings also imply that nobody ever pees in public swimming pools. A fact which most of us know to be false.

In fact, according to ‘Pissy Chrissy’ if all UEA students accepted the challenge (as I said, not counting the 50% of them that probably already do), they’d save a combined £125,000 per annum. If the population of East Anglia joined in, they’d be looking at around £42.5 Million.

"We’ve done the maths, and this project stands to have a phenomenal impact”. Said Dobson, accidentally outing himself as a maths nerd as well as a dude that pees in the shower. Sexy prospect.

As you can extrapolate, the numbers would be amazing if the whole country took part in the ‘challenge’ of pissing in the shower once a day, but personally, I think it would be a shame if it was limited to just the shower. Let’s all find exotic places to pee and, when questioned, simply state that we’re doing it for the planet. The power is yours (a brand new no-prize for everyone that gets the reference).

Of course, the ‘Go With The Flow’ initiative only saves water if you flush after every trip to the loo, which is, in and of itself, a huge waste of water. But we already knew that. In fact, the entire thing would appear to be based on assumptions about other people’s urination habits, rather than any sort of quantifiable facts.

On a final note, I just hope some bright spark doesn’t confuse this latest viral campaign with the ‘ice bucket challenge’  â€" because, quite frankly, nobody needs that.

...And on that note, I’m off to take a quick shower.

PS â€" by the same logic, you can also save water by taking a dump in your local Sainsbury’s.

Spy Earpiece, what is it?

Like any gadget, a good spy earpiece needs to be well engineered and yet adaptable to your specific needs. It should be hardwearing and reliable, especially when you need it most. It also needs to be able to put up with a lot of punishment (it will likely end up under your shirt, down your trousers and stuffed in your ear, after all) and it will probably be operating for very little in the way of thanks (although, you really ought to clean it regularly). In short, a good spy earpiece - or any kind of gadget for that matter - should be, all things considered, a colleague, an instrument and a friend.

OK, we’re laying it on a bit thick there. I mean, you don’t see the engineers on Star Trek cradling their tricorders lovingly and singing lullabies to them, do you? So what else are you looking for when you buy a spy earpiece?

Firstly, the size (and shape) is an important issue. The very smallest spy earpieces are practically invisible, but the sound quality isn’t generally up to much. When choosing an earpiece, you need to be able to wear it comfortably and to operate it in relatively noisy areas, if necessary. Keep this in mind at all times when choosing your earpiece.

Secondly, you will want to choose a colour that matches your skin hue. Its no good being a hulking 6ft 6in black guy with what looks like a miniature jar of Hellman’s Blue Label sticking out of your left lughole, now is it?

Thirdly, you’ll want a spy earpiece to generate the least amount of background noise possible. If you can find an earpiece that resists electromagnetic interference better than most, then you’ll definitely be on the right path. Most of them will emit a low hum, which you’ll find you get used to in time, but if it is too loud, the ‘hum’ can scupper your whole operation (and annoy you - a lot).



Finally, you will probably also want to make sure that you buy your earpiece from a reputable manufacturer or trader. There are a lot of charlatans out there, so it pays to be extra careful. You want to ensure that you buy an ultra high quality product, without getting stiffed on price. It is possible and you can do it, but you’ll probably need to shop around a bit first.

Spy earpieces, like two-way radios, smart TVs, tablet PCs, iPod docks and other consumer electronics, are likely to be in regular use either at work or at home and, as such, it is important that you are comfortable with your choice.

Therefore, it is useful to see if you can try out a friend’s earpiece first . Even if you don’t like it, you will at least get a taste of what you are (or are not â€" as the case may be) looking for.

You could even see if a salesperson will let you try one in your local electronics store (although frankly, I doubt it). Maybe if you just smile really nicely and appeal to the kid in them by giving them a nostalgia-inducing test phrase to use on the device. Something like, oh, I don’t know,

“Second star to the right...And straight on until morning”.

That should do it.

New York Nutter Files Stupidly Large Lawsuit Over Dog Bite, Chinese People And Overpriced Coffee

Anton Purisima, a New Yorker known for filing abnormally large lawsuits over trivial things (even by American standards) and generally for being nuttier than squirrel sh!t, has achieved what is probably his lifetime ambition of filing the world’s largest lawsuit.

Apparently, before he was overcharged for a cup of coffee (oh, the horror!), Purisima was photographed without his permission by Chinese tourists and then got bitten by a dog (nice one, Fido!). For these (ahem) injustices, he is asking for the grand sum of (wait for it) $2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000 in damages.

Two undecillion Dollars (a two with 36 zeroes after it) is more money than presently exists on the entire planet, of course.

Frankly, we hadn’t seen this many zeroes since the last Conservative party conference...

According to the loony litigator, the dog was rabid (we can only hope) and it bit his middle finger. The funniest thing about this case, then, is that every time Mr. Purisima is asked to present his evidence, he will likely be found in contempt of court.

Defendants named in the suit include the Au Bon Pan store (whose La Guardia airport outlet apparently sells overly expensive coffee), The New York Transit Authority and Hoboken University Medical Center (who may, or may not, have botched some sort of experimental brain surgery upon Purisima. Admittedly, that’s guesswork on my part, but it would certainly answer a lot of questions...)

I mean, who goes to an airport for cheap coffee!? If American airports are anything like their British counterparts, you’d have to take out a second mortgage on your home just to afford a ham and cheese sandwich...

Apparently, his pain and additional damages “cannot be repaired by money”, which seems especially odd considering he is asking for so much of it, really. That’s a bit like saying that hunger can’t be cured by food, whilst queuing up in a McDonalds...

Purisima’s previous activities include attempting to sue The People’s Republic of China (no, really), as well as several major American banking chains.

Purisima filed his (hand written) lawsuit to a federal court in April and is (somewhat unsurprisingly) representing himself. Reports do not say if he was wearing a tutu and honey-glazing his own nipples at the time, but it seems likely.